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TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
When Jayden called our clinic to discuss worsening migraines, a medication adjustment seemed like a possible solution. However, during our telehealth visit, it became apparent that her issues extended beyond a simple prescription. “He’s out of control again,” she whispered, her lips close to the phone speaker, “What can I do?”
Unfortunately, relationships like Jayden’s are all too common. Intimate partner violence (IPV) affects one in four women and one in 10 men in the United States. It’s a misconception that abusive relationships only occur between men and women; this type of violence can happen between people of any gender or sexual orientation.
Experiencing abuse can lead to feelings of isolation and hopelessness, but living a life free from violence is possible. Support and resources are available, and your doctor or health professional can assist you in several ways.
What is Intimate Partner Violence?
Intimate partner violence (IPV) includes more than just physical abuse like hitting or choking. It encompasses emotional, psychological, sexual, and physical harm inflicted by a partner to control or hurt you. This can involve sexual harassment, threats, stalking, or controlling behaviors such as restricting access to finances, children, friends, or family.
If this describes your relationship, consider speaking to your doctor or healthcare professional or contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
The media often portrays relationships as perfectly blissful, making it challenging to identify unhealthy characteristics in our own relationships. A healthy relationship involves respect, trust, open communication, and shared decision-making. You should feel free to engage in leisure activities or see friends without fearing your partner’s reaction. Sharing opinions or making decisions should not invoke fear of retaliation or abuse. Sexual and physical intimacy should always include consent, free from force or guilt.
How Can a Health Professional Help Me?
Healthcare professionals like doctors or nurses can assess how abuse is affecting your health, well-being, and safety. IPV can cause visible symptoms like bruises or scars and more subtle ones like abdominal pain, headaches, sleep disturbances, or symptoms of traumatic brain injury. Health professionals can also refer you to specialists if necessary.
With your consent, they can take a detailed history, conduct an examination, and document findings in your confidential medical record. Inform them if you are concerned about your partner accessing your medical records, and measures can be taken to maintain confidentiality. This documentation can be valuable if you decide to pursue legal action.
Additionally, healthcare providers can test for pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and offer discreet birth control options like an IUD or a contraceptive implant or injection.
Healthcare professionals can help you develop a safety plan if you feel unsafe and connect you with social services, legal services, and trained advocates. If desired, they can also help you contact law enforcement to file a report.
What is a Sexual Assault Exam?
If you have experienced sexual assault within the last 120 hours (five days), you may be offered a sexual assault medical examination. This voluntary exam, conducted by a trained health professional, may include a full body exam and the collection of blood, urine, or body surface samples, and photographs that could be used in an investigation or legal action. You may also be prescribed medication to prevent infections or pregnancy. Learn more about the sexual assault exam here.
What to Expect When Talking to a Health Professional About IPV
Health professionals should listen supportively and without judgment. Although not all are trained in trauma-informed care, you deserve to be treated with respect and empathy. You should never feel pressured to take any action you are uncomfortable with. You have the right to refuse any care you do not want and to decide how to proceed after sharing your information, whether that involves seeking legal support, creating a safety plan to leave the relationship, or staying in the relationship with ongoing support. You can also choose not to disclose any information about the abuse.
Privacy and Confidentiality
These conversations should occur in a private setting. If your abusive partner accompanies you to the appointment, your health professional may ask them to leave the room for a period to allow for open conversation. You can also request to speak with the health professional alone.
Generally, discussions with your health professional are confidential under HIPAA. However, healthcare providers are obligated to report certain types of abuse, such as violence against minors or vulnerable adults, in compliance with state laws. Only a few states require reporting intimate partner abuse.
All states have laws that protect children, elders and people with disabilities from abuse of any kind. Your health professional is obligated in certain circumstances to report abuse, such as violence against a minor or vulnerable adult. However, only a few states require health professionals to report intimate partner abuse.
Resources for IPV
To learn more about IPV and how to seek help:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224. Available 24/7 for anyone, regardless of race, sex, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, or ability.
- Visit thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522 for safe, anonymous assistance.
- RAINN: National resource for sexual assault and violence.
- Love Is Respect: National resource for dating violence.
- WomensLaw.org: Legal information for women experiencing domestic violence.
- LGBT National Help Center: LGBTQ+ resources, including chat and peer counseling.